Today feels like a new beginning to all future days. A do-over. The starting line of a marathon.
This morning I stated, “I think I’m ready to get off my birth control”. And I said it verbally. Out loud. To my doctor. I’m no longer just tossing the idea around in my head or whispering it quietly to my mom. It has officially stopped being just an amusing thought or future goal and has graduated into a gut-checking reality. I actually left the hospital without filling the prescription that was put in for me “just in case I change my mind” and I drove home with butterflies in my heart because of the hope and apprehension and anticipation and uncertainty that is magically present from just one simple statement.
I have been on birth control for the last five years because of endometriosis. It’s the kind of birth control where you don’t menstruate and it helps keep the symptoms regulated. It’s the option I went with instead of a hysterectomy or hormone suppressing injection, and I must admit that the choice was made with a blatant and embarrassing lack of knowledge or research. But here I am now. Five years smarter and five years into a career as a pelvic floor physical therapist in which I get to help women just like myself tackle these big decisions and manage this nasty disorder.
So here I sit, one pill left in the pack. You would typically find me desperately calling the pharmacy to make sure my next prescription is being filled right about now; but instead, I’m blissfully mesmerized, staring at this small tablet that has brought me so much comfort and certainty over the years. It eased my physical pain and appeased my fear. It didn’t necessarily promise or bring healing, but did give me a pause button that allowed me to keep my dreams of motherhood a hopeful reality and my and control-freak tendencies in check.
Before I left the hospital, I texted Bob (my husband) from the waiting room and said “do you think now is a good time for me to get off my birth control?”. You see, we had discussed this before, but always as a “maybe soon” option that was stifled by my libra-minded hesitation and chronic desire to always feel in control. “No time like the present” he responded. And just like that, my spirit eased and my heart smiled knowing that I was making the right choice.
I’m still nervous about getting my “first” period, and the expectation of pain returning is (almost) enough to make me march my booty right back to the hospital to claim that refill. But I’m going to let optimism and confidence win this battle, because I’m so much more eager to see the positive that comes of fighting for balance and restoration within my body.
There are so many things I’m looking forward to in this new season-
I want to learn more about my cycle and how its phases intricately affect me- physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I will be working with a naturopath and functional nutritionist to ensure that what I put in, on, and around my body is promoting healing and prevention.
I vow that my wellbeing will come first this year, and that includes indulging my passion for reading and thrift store scavenging, saying no to occasions and opportunities that don’t light my fire, more date nights, and exponentially increasing the time spent cuddling my kitty.
Finally, I can’t wait to continue traversing the first year of marriage with my best friend with the addition of navigating the many options we have to become parents.
This is the Make + Manifest Blog, and I will be sharing the good, bad, and ugly aspects of my journey in this very space. As a woman with a passion for education and all things *a little* granola, my goal is to provide a place for women with (or without) endometriosis to come for guidance and support in balancing life, love, and health with a natural, intentional, and optimistic approach.
Want to be a part of this tribe? Join our Facebook group here to get the latest in pelvic floor education and top notch girl gang support.
