I’m throwing on my blue light glasses again (and shamelessly admitting my bookworm tendencies) to bring you yetttttttt another list of my favorite pelvic health books, this time with a focus on improving your sex life. Because guess what, friend…gone are the days of “making sure he finishes” and the “grin and bear it” mentality. Sex can and should be enjoyable for everyone involved, and these reads will back me up in that sentiment.
So why is this still a subject of discussion? Why are books, podcasts, and blog posts being published on the topic and why are women from all walks of life coming to my clinic and sharing that sex has been “different” since baby/menopause/abuse/forever/etc. with no hope or help in sight?
As women with shifting hormones, birth histories, and traumatic pasts all surrounded by a medical system that downplays and downright disregards our sexual wellbeing, it’s common for our heads, hearts, and health to make sex an uncomfortable, painful, or even terrifying act.
If you have the opportunity to see a specialist regarding the above, I highly recommend it. (Take it from a pelvic rehab therapist who saw a pelvic rehab therapist for postpartum pain with intercourse.) Pelvic rehab therapists, sex therapists, and mental health providers are highly trained yet under-utilized caregivers that can make a considerable difference in this area.
But if your access to care is limited or you’d rather try the DIY approach first, these books are a great place to start and I can almost guarantee there’s at least one pick here that will meet your needs.
Are these page-turners that will have you reading into the wee hours of the morning? Liiiiiikely not. But if you’re struggling with sex, intimacy, or intercourse in any way, shape, or form, these books will meet your needs and then some. I’m sharing the ones that impressed me as a clinician [and] served me as a postpartum mom healing from a third degree tear— aka, you don’t need to be an expert to benefit from the books below.
These are the books I recommend to my patients who are struggling with sex along with my honest takeaways as an attempt to offer a little guidance on which one would best suit your needs. No overwhelm recommended here; it’s unnecessary to click “purchase” on all of these to see success.
As always…take what serves you, leave what doesn’t, then learn, implement, and share what you find.
THE LIST-
Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Dr. Lori Brotto-
We all know that sex is so much more than a physical act, and this book focuses on the mental and emotional side of desire, arousal, and satisfaction, making it the perfect companion what I teach and preach as a pelvic rehab therapist. As someone who loves the idea of taking your health into your own hands, I fully appreciate Dr. Brotto’s DIY approach with at-home exercises that you can do solo or with a partner, at your own pace and comfort level.
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters— And How To Get It by Dr. Laurie Mintz-
Legitimately good discussions about the female orgasm are hard to come by, but Dr. Mintz’s book full of “wait…what!?” moments is everything I was hoping it would be and more. Her words are not only research-backed, but she also provides a much-needed sense of relief around a topic that typically comes with so much stigma and misconception. The fact that vaginal penetration is not (I repeat…NOT) how women achieve orgasm was a “whew” moment for me, and her follow-up sections on anatomy, mindfulness, and even for significant others are exactly what I would recommend if orgasms have been a topic of frustration for you and/or your partner.
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Dr. Emily Nagoski-
The only New York Time’s Bestseller on the list, this is must-read for everyone with a vagina who’s having/wants to have sex and intercourse. Dr. Nagoski’s illustrations regarding the different types of arousal, interest, and desire are not only fascinating, but realistic and helpful for those with associated pain or negative thoughts and feelings around intercourse. You’ll want to buy five of this one, trust me— keep one for yourself and gift the others to your mom, sister, bestie, and coworker.
I don’t consider many books a ~must~, but this one most definitely deserves a spot on your nightstand if you’ve had a baby and sex haaaaasn’t quite been the same since. I’ve had the pleasure of learning from Kathe (quite a big name in the pelvic rehab world) and the physical therapy style tips and exercises she shares for pain before, during, and after vaginal penetration are *chef’s kiss*. If you like the stuff I shared in my blog post all about healing pain with intercourse but want a deep-dive book version, this one’s for you.
Girl Boner: The Good Girl’s Guide to Sexual Empowerment by August McLaughlin-
Shame, embarrassment, and TMI are common responses when women talk about sexual pleasure, but that all goes out the window as soon as you crack this book open. August shares relatable stories packed with highlight-worthy tips to keep you encouraged and engaged. If you’re aching to talk to a friend about this kind of stuff but just don’t have ~that~ kind of person in your life, reading this is like sitting across from your bestie at cocktail hour, and you’ll leave falling in love with your sexual self further/again/for the first time.
The Art of Giving and Receiving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin-
Where, when, why and how your body is touched is 10000000000% up to you, and if you feel like you’re “allowing” intercourse in any way other than what you deem acceptable, this book and the wheel of consent framework just may be life changing for you. Dr. Martin discusses the science and history of consent to give you a base to build from, then helps you apply those principles to develop confidence and empowerment in your relationship though physical and emotional interactions. This book is a tool I share with my patients on repeat, and they almost always come back saying it was well worth the read.
Sometimes issues around intercourse have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your partner, and Dr. Spitz’s curt but comedic take on penis health is one that has me recommending and referencing this one over and over again. Considered “useful for men and women alike” and “a one-stop-shop for the care and maintenance of the penis in your life”, I couldn’t’ agree more as this book has easily become my favorite go-to for all things erectile function and male sexual health.
POUR A GLASS OF WINE AND START READING, FRIEND!
I don’t know about you, but when I really (like realllllly) want something, I’ll do whatever it takes to get it, especially when it comes to my physical health, emotional wellbeing, and marriage. Difficulties around intimacy and intercourse are hard to navigate and sometimes even harder to talk about, which is why I believe learning about this topic in book form is best— private, at your own pace, the ability to dog-ear the good stuff and skip over what doesn’t apply to you with the turn of a page.
Let me manifest it now…someday you’ll see my name on a book like this— a collection of personal and professional thoughts to bring help and healing. *Sigh* Until then, I’ll continue to share my favorites, those from fellow colleagues in the pelvic health field and other experts in their respective specialties.
My hope today is that you find something that sparks your interest, ends up being worth the purchase, and gets you one step closer to the sex life you want. Enjoyable sex is possible…I know that for a fact. It just takes a little time, energy, and effort, and expanding your knowledge on the topic through reading is the perfect place to begin.
– Amanda
Disclaimer: The content provided here does not constitute medical advice, nor is it a substitute for personalized healthcare. If you have concerns about a medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment, you should consult with a licensed healthcare professional.
Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. No pressure, but I have a feeling you’re gonna like what I’ve taken the time to put my recommendation behind.
